Keeping up.

I thought I would write to you, while I wait to go back to the garage to see what is really wrong with the car. Since the 3 hours we spent there yesterday apparently did not change anything to the car condition. Did I say, it's always my luck that this sort of thing happens. I can never just get things done once.

It has been one of those weeks... I know I have a lot of those lately. I promise my life really isn't all that bad, at times. But, as Jeremy says, you have to do something just to cope with what is going on even if it isn't all that bad. So, I'm writing about it.

Since Monday morning, waking up to a not so great feeling of, I have a ton of things to do today and I just want to sleep, then leaving home without my guitar and chords after spending two hours finding chords to Christmas music for our Bible Study 1:30 away from here to which someone else had to pick me up and drive me back because my car's been acting up. And that was only Monday which was followed by a very unproductive yet productive Tuesday or prayer and fasting. It's good to take time for that, I know it. But the list of things I normally get done on Tuesday was not done. And on Wednesday we spent the afternoon at the garage, after having taken some of the morning to prepare for a Bible study that was canceled due to bad weather. And today, is Thursday... which we just started the car to notice that it wasn't fixed after spending a bunch of money on it two days ago! So, back we go to the garage this afternoon and another day of nothing has been done. Tomorrow we go to the doctors, lets just hope the lack of time to get anything done will be worth it... and they don't tell me I've got some weird disease or anything strange again!

I have been feeling gross all week. I'm so tired and feel like I can't keep up with anything. The sun going down at 3pm is not making things better. It's December and there is so much to do. It's our first Christmas together and I want to decorate and make it special and what not. I want to take a day to bake with people. I want to go visit potential friends. I want to write great sermons about Jesus. I want to sing amazing songs and have great Christmas programs. But, I keep telling myself, maybe this full time ministry thing is too much for me to handle.

Because... I can't keep up. And it might be because I sleep in too much - I have seriously gotten better at it though, just perhaps not this week! Or it might be because I don't delegate enough. Or maybe I just don't realize how many things have to be done before they have to be done. Anyhow... my week is a mess. Of not very much accomplished.

And I feel bad. I feel like I'm letting God down. I feel like I'm letting the people here down. I feel like I'm letting myself down. I feel like I don't deserve the pay check this week. I really haven't done the work I'm supposed to do.

But why are we so pressed to get things done? As if next month it'll be too late to celebrate Jesus' birth? As if we don't do Bible study this week everyone is going to crumble and fall away from the Lord? Let's be honest, no one really feels like going to Bible study when the roads are possibly slippery anyways! When am I going to say that and believe it? Why do I feel like every week I need to add something and add something and add something? No wonder we burn out... but I believe my fear of burning out paralyzes me the minute I get tired. Is that possible?

Okay.. I'm ranting and I need to go back to the garage now. But, feel free to comment on this.. I finally fixed the comments thing on the blog. What do you think?