But, I am afraid of somethings. I am terrified of jelly-fish after a not so pleasant experience with one as a child. I am not fond of dogs. Sometimes they scare me. What really scares me though, is driving and being driven. It is strange because if there is something I have done a lot of in my life it is driving and being driven. I have driven through snow storms, rain storms, crazy warm days and some pretty cold ones. I have driven cars in all kinds of conditions... from gear sticks held in place with some elastic straps, some cars that had no heater or fan which meant driving on the highway with the window open early mornings to get to school, and my last car had a sticky gas pedal.
Despite the many kilometers covered in vehicles in my life, it has become more and more evident in the last few weeks that I am seriously scared of being in a car. I never realized the extent to which it scared me until one day after a drive home through some pretty nasty weather, my hand was sore from holding on to the handle in the car while Jeremy was driving us home. That is what I do when I am scared in the car, I hold the handle thingy - Africa taught me that.
When I was 16 or so, I was rear ended while driving. It scared me and hurt me (and my little sister and friend also). Then, a few years later it happened again when I was in Ethiopia. Nothing too serious, but it brought back everything I had finally started to get over. Then last winter I lost control of my car on the highway during a snow storm, made a 360 and ended up in the snow bank. That was enough for me. I don't think I could handle another crash.
Tonight, I was supposed to go to a kids program we are re-starting at a school about thirty minutes from here. The weather is kind of rainy, and foggy and my car has really bad lights (even though they've been changed). I should also add that our car hasn't really been fixed, we just took it back until Monday when we will exchange it for a nice new 2007 Corolla! (Hopefully having a reliable car will remove some of my fear) Anyway, on my way there I met a fog patch so thick that I could not see one meter in front of me. The thought that my car might break down in the middle of the road and someone might come behind me and not see me there only to run me over was enough for me to find the first drive way (the safest one too) and turn around.
I seriously get so scared at points that, it's not safe for me to be driving (ask Jeremy). I'm hoping that the new car gives me a new confidence - at least in the car if not in the weather - to be able to go out more than what I have been. But please, be patient with me when roads are iffy, if there might possibly in the slightest chance be black ice somewhere, if it is dark outside and it is raining, if there is fog and I cannot see where I am going. I am afraid! So much so that it makes everything in me tremble. Why? Because if you hit me and I get hurt, it hurts! If I slip off the road and cannot get out, I have no way of reaching anyone other than hoping someone shows up. If my car breaks down, I don't know what to do.
I know some people are brave and they don't care what kind of weather there is, they are good drivers! Good for them! I don't want to hear it. I'm scared! I'm terrified! I cry just thinking about it! I really don't like driving, especially winter driving. And yes, I told that to God before he sent me to Gaspé! So if you have a problem with me canceling winter events, take it up with Him.
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