Friends...

I have never been one with many friends. I was not in the 'popular' group at school. I was not even in the 'reject' group for most years - or maybe I was and I didn't really know it. I was just kind of myself. I was the Christian kid, who always walked around with a huge instrument - in most cases a bassoon. Seriously, who plays the bassoon?! For a few years I tried fitting in, but it didn't really work anyway, so I stopped doing that. I wore what I wanted to wear, spoke when I wanted to speak, and joined in when I wanted to join in.

It wasn't easy. I probably have a lot of issues with people today due to my lack of normal relationships as a kid and teenager. I always felt like I was at least 10 years older than everyone else around me and in the back of my head I really wanted to have just one friend. One normal person that would understand me and that I could enjoy being with.

I have always wondered what friends were for. Keep me busy when I'm bored? Be there when I need to vent? Help me out when I need help? Just being there... what's the point of that? I remember one girl I was hanging out with telling me that we could almost be best friends now cause we had been spending a good deal of time together. I replied: «I don't have best friends». And that was the end of that.

I have always wondered why people want the nice people, the cool people, the normal people to be their friends. But, when someone is a little different, a little bit of an emotional mess, a little of an annoying person, than they don't want to be their friends. And anyone who is their friend must be strange too. Like, 'How can you be friends with them?!' type of thing.

But, what's the point of friends? Who did Jesus befriend? And why did Jesus have friends? Okay, he had his disciples, but if I remember they sure weren't the coolest people around before they became his disciples. And then he had all those sinners and that weird guy Zacchaeus. The point of his friendships was to help people grow and show them love. And in return he appreciated the company and he grew closer to them. He learned to appreciate them.

I'm tired of being looked at strangely because I don't try real hard at having friends. I'm tired of being accused of not being normal because my friends aren't always normal. What is normal, seriously? Because my friends that I do have, have been more faithful than other people that have come into my life. Have been more faithful than the friends I have tried to have from the other group.

Because I have tried. Tried to be normal. Tried to be in. I just don't fit there. Should I fit there? Why don't I fit there?

I have a friend. Well, I have two, but the other one is now my husband so he doesn't really count anymore. But, I have a friend who has been there throughout the years. Been there when I needed a place to sleep only to go visit other people. Been there when I needed to cry. Been there when I needed to get drunk and stopped me from it. Been there when I needed to vent, been there when I needed to laugh. I have a friend, and I love my friend. She might not be the most stable person on earth, she might not be the most socially acceptable person on earth neither. But I love her like that, because I'm not always stable, and I'm not always socially acceptable... and neither are YOU!